Selfie-examination

Today's NaBloPoMo prompt asks the question: "Benjamin Franklin said: There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond and to know one's self." Do you know yourself?

First though: "No, that's why I'm in therapy."

Second thought: "Yes, that's why I'm in therapy."

I mean I'm really impressed with all the posts from people who so confidently do know themselves. You've figured out what makes you tick--what makes you you--and you act on it accordingly.

Meanwhile I feel as though my self comprises many selves. Many conflicting selves.

• I'm an extroverted introvert.
• Or maybe that's an introverted extrovert.
• I love my friends fiercely, but I love to be alone.
• I can be extremely frugal and practical and yet I'm often broke. (I mean not broke-broke, but just sort of frustratingly not not-broke).
• I'm a narcissist but I get uncomfortable having too much of a spotlight on me.
• Although I don't mind speaking in public and am pretty comfortable speaking in front a class as an instructor.
• As a writer I love words and love it when I have the luxury of time to craft sentences and labor sentences.
• As a writer I really suck at grammar. I blame this on cutting many a high school English class. Comma splices are my biggest weakness. I'm working on this though.
• As a writer I think I'm OK at my craft. Mostly. I mean, sometimes.
• Sometimes I can't bear to read what I've written.
• Sometimes I'm plagued by self-loathing.
• Sometimes I. Just. Can't. Even.
• I pretty much refuse to abbreviate or use terms such as LOL, OMG or 2 and U in emails, texts, etc.
• I'm an emoji abuser.
• I make a conscious effort to eat healthy and exercise. I genuinely love flax and quinoa and kale and all those other nerdy foods.
• I eat way too much sugar.
• I'm a feminist who worries who worries about how I look.
• I didn't have children and I'm OK with that.
• I didn't have children and it eats at me a little every day.
• I love being self-sufficient and smart and enterprising and career-oriented.
• I think I missed my calling as a rich, spoiled housewife.
• I'm a really hard worker who doesn't know how to relax.
• I can be really, really lazy.
• I can be hyper-organized--live and die by the to-do list.
• I am super-disorganized and at least once a day misplace something really, really important.
• Nothing makes me happier than traveling.
• Or being at home.

So do I know myself? I guess. Maybe. Sort of. A little bit, but really not at all.